"Honestly: one thing just led to another.

If you want to blame it on anything, blame it on insecurity. I'd decided I was too thin. A 34-year old hero, hailed throughout the realm of Albion and I still had the lithe figure of a boy, since my sporadic snacking hadn't done anything to fill me out. Something a little more determined was needed, I thought, as I cleared the shopkeeper out of meat and sat, gorging myself on thirty or so portions.

I went too far. I was morbidly obese. Oh dear.

So I decided to start my own personal fat-club, and proceeded to run everywhere. It did the trick, at the expense of making me visibly stink. However terminal BO wasn't enough to prevent the romantic adventure I was tumbling towards. You see, if I wasn't running, I'd have never had ended up jogging through the class-room, welcomed by the welcoming waves of cheers from the kids and the instantly smitten glance of the teacher. The male teacher."

Taking on Big Blue Box/Lionhead's Fable for Eurogamer. And a little bit of NGJ as the over extended intro, now I think about it.

Now to go and read EG's comments to see if I've offended anyone.