Random bonus for Blog readers. Concept review I wrote for a magazine that's been bounced by Editorial process. Which is fine - part of writing something close to the bounds of a commission is the knowledge they may just ask for a rewrite. Normally I check before writing one, but since this was 280 words I didn't.
It's for the GTA3/VICE CITY Double pack.
SCENE: Back room of a seedy bar in an unspecified Crime-addled city. A fat crime lord who looks a bit like Marlon Brando, only not quite enough to be able to be sued, sits and smokes an equally fat Cigar. Two men enter. It’s GTA3 and GTA: VICE CITY. GTA: Vice City is wearing a puce shirt, a turquoise suit and shoes with no socks. GTA3 is dragging a man behind him and carrying a base-ball bat.
CRIMELORD: Whlcome Gys and...
VICE CITY: Take the cotton wool out your mouth, man.
CRIMELORD: Muh... much better. I’ve brought you guys here together for a reason. You’re both good. BLEEP! that. You’re the BLEEP!ing best. But I want to put you both together. Yeah – I know you haven’t changed at all. But together... think of it. It could be huge! It could be big! It could be more violent that you could possibly believe. You interested?
GTA3 NODS AND STARTS SMASHING UP THE BAR RANDOMLY
VICE CITY: Not interested, man.
CRIME LORD: Watcha mean, you’re not interested? It’ll be the best. He’s the man who thought up all your style. Free-form city adventure. Hard-edged urban music. Yeah, he didn’t have bikes or your eighties style, but he’s still an amazing gamefella. What’s your problem?
VICE CITY:I don’t work with no monosyllabic dude. He’s got the look of a Twisted Sister fan.
CRIMELORD: I’ll give you this pair of fashionable Legwarmers.
VICE CITY: Hmm...
CRIMELORD: And this fine copy of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin”.
VICE CITY: On CD?
CRIMELORD: Oh yes.
VICE CITY: Done.
Kieron Gillen's Workblog, foo'.